jealousy begins with word count

"Cause every time that it feels like the world just got lighter / seems that my muscles give out..."

- "Jealousy", Darren Criss

I hate where I'm at.

There are so many things going right. There are so many things that come easy and fall into place, like a tetris piece that clears four rows at once. And yet I latch onto the two things that are not going right. My writing. And her.

I want to give up. I want to say, "Fine, she's better than me, she's fine without me, why even try?" I am jealous of her talent and her happiness and of the life I imagine her to have even though I know that isn't the life she leads. Why bother?

Parce que j'aime ça. I love writing, I love her. I can't give up, even if though I want to.

So. Here's what we'll do:

• Write. Write clear and hard about what hurts because, man, does this hurt.
• Be content. Never let your envy be anything more than complimentary.
• Meet your goals. Not your parents', not your teachers', not hers. Meet your goals.

Good luck to us.

1 November 2015

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