In the minivan on the way home, you tell him that he played very well. You tell him you are proud of him.\n"You don't have to stay," he says. "You could just drop me off."\n"I like watching you play."\nHe crosses his arms over his chest and looks out the window. "I don't want you to come anymore."\n\nDo you love him?\n[[Yes|sixteen]]\n[[No]]

Credits\n\nDo You Love Him?\nwritten by Alicia Neptune

You're a bad mother.

You place a string of blocks on the floor, as though for the foundation of a wall. He laughs and swipes at them.\nOne of the blocks flies up and catches the corner of your eye. Your peripheral vision flashes red, and your son laughs again.\n\nDo you love him?\n[[Yes|School]]\n[[No]]

You lie in bed, and your husband's hand crests over the swell of your stomach.\n"What do you think he will be like?" he asks.\nYou close your eyes.\n[[What kind of child will he be|two]]?

He is ten. You are standing at the side of the field, watching his soccer game.\nHe scores a goal and you cheer. He glares at you as he runs [[past|don't come]].

You sit at the dining room table and watch his eyes glaze over when you point at the numbers in his math [[book|story]].

That evening, you sit on the edge of his bed and read him a story. You always imagined yourself to be a good storyteller - you imitate the delicate voice of the princess and the deep growl of the dragon. He kicks his legs impatiently. When you lean in to kiss his forehead, he burrows under the blankets.\n\nDo you love him?\n[[Yes|Soccer]]\n[[No]]

He is twenty two. You knock on the door to his apartment and he calls that it's open.\nYou push open the door and step over the cluster of shoes on the front mat. You peer into the [[kitchen]].

You wake up slowly, in bits and pieces. You blink and see <<replace "white curtains.">>florescent ceiling lights.<<becomes>>[[your husband holding a small bundle|the baby is born]].<<endreplace>>\n

He is two years old. He has never spoken a word.\n"Mommy," you coo. "Can you say Mommy?"\nHe looks at you, his eyes too large for his face. He puckers his lips.\n"Say, Mama. //Ma ma//."\nBut he doesn't.\n\nDo you love him?\n[[Yes|Bricks]]\n[[No]]

Your husband hands you your son. He is tiny and clean and soft. His eyes open briefly, and he sees you before they close again.\nDo you love him?\n\n[[Yes.|The End]]

do you love him?

You follow him down the hallway asking more questions, which he ignores. He loses his balance and [[collides with the wall|steady]].\n

He is six. You are sitting in a classroom, on a chair designed for a first grader.\nHis teacher suggests that you do some activities with him at home. Read with him. Do addition and substraction. He just needs a little [[help]].

He is sitting on the floor with his back against the counch. His hair is unkempt, his eyes are red.\nYou sit on the floor next to him.\n"[[I'm sorry|hospital]]," he says.

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He is sixteen. He stumbles in after midnight, smelling of smoke and beer. You ask where he's been.\nHe mumbles something and shuffles toward his [[room|hallway]].

You show him how to stack the blocks to make a tower. He knocks them down.\nYou hold his hand, place one block on top of another. "See?" He looks at the stack of two. He [[knocks them down|wall]].

There are empty bottles and cans littering the counter. Something on a plate in the corner is growing mold.\nYou move on to the [[living room]].

He is four. You are sitting together on the floor, playing with the building blocks [[his uncle got him|stack]].\n

You reach out to steady him. He shoves you away, harder than he probably means to, and you fall.\nHe looks at you a moment, and then turns his back to you and continues toward his room.\n\nDo you love him?\n[[Yes|apartment]]\n[[No]]

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Alicia Neptune